I can't. [it's strangled in the sound of his voice, strangled with the emotion of it, the desperation, the near begging in the tone of it.
and then-- then. utter quiet. utter silence. it is like cold and dark and hollow silence before the bomb explodes inside of his chest.
johnny is terrible. he is terrible, abusive, desperate to keep the one person that has ever mattered to him (and he has destroyed so much in the process of trying to get her back, ignored her wishes that he go away time and time again, followed her, hurt people close to her--
he has been terrible
and he deserves this pain, this destruction of his own chest as he trembles lightly with the pain of it, with every single word that feels like swords inside of him (and he deserves it, and he knows it. he knows this light, this sun, this warmth and beauty and love and--
she has always deserved far more than him and especially now after he has treated her so terribly.
it's just never stopped him before. he has never been good enough to allow that realization to stop him before) it is not her responsibility but without her, he doesn't know what-- what is there for him? how does he go on?]
Do you really never want to see me again? Look me in the eyes and tell me that. [he needs to believe it (can't believe it. can't believe it or--)
no subject
and then-- then. utter quiet. utter silence. it is like cold and dark and hollow silence before the bomb explodes inside of his chest.
johnny is terrible. he is terrible, abusive, desperate to keep the one person that has ever mattered to him (and he has destroyed so much in the process of trying to get her back, ignored her wishes that he go away time and time again, followed her, hurt people close to her--
he has been terrible
and he deserves this pain, this destruction of his own chest as he trembles lightly with the pain of it, with every single word that feels like swords inside of him (and he deserves it, and he knows it. he knows this light, this sun, this warmth and beauty and love and--
she has always deserved far more than him and especially now after he has treated her so terribly.
it's just never stopped him before. he has never been good enough to allow that realization to stop him before) it is not her responsibility but without her, he doesn't know what-- what is there for him? how does he go on?]
Do you really never want to see me again? Look me in the eyes and tell me that. [he needs to believe it (can't believe it. can't believe it or--)
can't let her go.]