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open } { oh i could hide 'neath the wings of the bluebird as she sings
[ Things you need to know before you ever, ever tag Sophie Wilder, in very particular order:
1.) She has two overprotective supernatural hunter brothers that look like they're built out of stone, one of whom you may have already seen sulking around the boat, destroying one sandbag at a time.
2.) She has an equally protective and at times ornery guardian angel.
3.) She may or may not also be in possession of anpsychotic extremely morally questionable vampire ex-boyfriend. You thought Damon Salvatore was trouble.
You have been warned.
Anyhoo, she's going to end up exploring every inch of the boat; at the very least, as much of it as she can. Sophie is in the process of opening doors, curious to see what's inside the countless rooms making up one of the hallways. Each and every room has a different theme. Are you already in this room when she stumbles on it? Or do you get swept into the room along with her? Do you want to choose what this room contains or do you want to risk Ella picking for you?
We just don't know yet. ]
1.) She has two overprotective supernatural hunter brothers that look like they're built out of stone, one of whom you may have already seen sulking around the boat, destroying one sandbag at a time.
2.) She has an equally protective and at times ornery guardian angel.
3.) She may or may not also be in possession of an
You have been warned.
Anyhoo, she's going to end up exploring every inch of the boat; at the very least, as much of it as she can. Sophie is in the process of opening doors, curious to see what's inside the countless rooms making up one of the hallways. Each and every room has a different theme. Are you already in this room when she stumbles on it? Or do you get swept into the room along with her? Do you want to choose what this room contains or do you want to risk Ella picking for you?
We just don't know yet. ]
asdfja of course i do :')
she's seen that look on johnny's face before; she has seen him wearing it around her and because of her. once upon a time it had been all she ever wanted. to mean the world to him. to mean anything to someone. she didn't understand how terrifying it could be, how quickly it could go to hell in a hand basket.
she loves him and she doesn't want to; she would readily tear him out of her heart if it was that simple to do. that's not romantic, whatever fairy tales try to tell you. it's been killing her, he has been killing her, and distance away from him helps.
this is not distance. ]
James is here.
[ if he's been here for months like he says, that means he must know james is here, too. sophie doesn't say it as an admission. she says it as a reminder. he needs to stay away, even if these close quarters will make that more difficult to achieve. ]
jkrlae; dang straight :')
he misses her every single second of every single fucking day. he saunters over to her until he is standing in front of her, looking down at her when he gets close enough that their chests are nearly brushing against each other.
he could make her drown in it, in how much he needs and wants and misses her, how much he loves her. johnny swallows as he stops in front of her, looking down at her face, at the softness of her lips, the intense blue of her eyes, how her hair spills over her shoulders as her jaw remains locked like she wants to tear him away from her.]
I know. [and he knows why she says it. his fingertips slide up to the very tips of the strands of her hair.] I don't care.
[nothing could keep him away from her, certainly not the threat of her brothers. all he wants in the world is to be near her, that's all he wants anymore (the only person who ever loved him, the only person he has ever loved).]
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[ and if there's a hint of bitterness in her voice, sophie makes no effort to mask it. ] If you've made anything perfectly clear, it's that you don't care about my family. [ the whole reason he decided to get close to her in the first place was to sell her brothers out, and if he thinks she is forgetting that for a moment, then he has got another thing coming.
the problem is she's never fully unmoved by him, even when she wants to be. it's not as easy as just saying you want to get over someone to really get over them, and a part of her wonders if she will ever be completely successful.
sophie steps away the moment his fingertips curl around the tips of her hair, looking off to the side. she wishes she could hold on to her anger more. and it's not that she isn't angry with him, hasn't been angry with him this whole time. it's that it's nowhere near the strongest emotion. there's hurt and disappointment and regret, because this could've all been a lot different and he decided for the both of them it wasn't going to be. ]
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it wasn't the information or the attempt at power that made him feel like somebody though.
it was her, and he destroyed it, them. he knows that, and he still follows her, can't keep away, doesn't want to.]
That's not what I meant. I don't care that they're here because it's not going to keep me away from you.
Nothing could. [and he didn't sell out her brothers at all. it turns out they ended up doing that to themselves. they didn't need any help from him, and johnny never tried.
he watches her as she steps away, breathes in sharply like she slapped him (the absence of her is like a coldness that seeps into the veins, like freezing parts of him and exploding other parts with emotion, with need, with the aching for her. he swallows as she steps away, still staring after her and he takes a step after her even as his hands remain at his sides now, glancing at her face from his position, reading the things she doesn't say in it.]
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Because I may have asked you to stay away from me for my brothers' sake and your own at the beginning, but lately I've been asking you for my own sake. [ she is the one that wants him to stay away. she is the one trying to get over him and she is trying to do the right thing, and he doesn't make that easy. ]
We're not together anymore.
[ there's a finality to those words that cut her, but maybe they have to. ]
That's not going to change. [ and that's not on her. it's on him. she blinks back tears and wills her voice not to shake. to find the place where her bravery has gone missing. ] You need to let me go.
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and then-- then. utter quiet. utter silence. it is like cold and dark and hollow silence before the bomb explodes inside of his chest.
johnny is terrible. he is terrible, abusive, desperate to keep the one person that has ever mattered to him (and he has destroyed so much in the process of trying to get her back, ignored her wishes that he go away time and time again, followed her, hurt people close to her--
he has been terrible
and he deserves this pain, this destruction of his own chest as he trembles lightly with the pain of it, with every single word that feels like swords inside of him (and he deserves it, and he knows it. he knows this light, this sun, this warmth and beauty and love and--
she has always deserved far more than him and especially now after he has treated her so terribly.
it's just never stopped him before. he has never been good enough to allow that realization to stop him before) it is not her responsibility but without her, he doesn't know what-- what is there for him? how does he go on?]
Do you really never want to see me again? Look me in the eyes and tell me that. [he needs to believe it (can't believe it. can't believe it or--)
can't let her go.]
wow you are super rude :|
sophie looks away as though she is seeking to hide it, but she isn't all that effective in her attempt. her arms fold further across her chest, as though she is trying to huge herself, hating the way her eyes feel warm with tears and the way her throat tightens with a lump that's as grievous as it's angry. because she is still so angry at him.
and she has tried to lash out with that anger in many ways, as many she can think of. one would think she'd be empty of it now, but she's not. she always ends up right back where she started, hurt and betrayed and missing him in spite of herself.
what kind of person is she that she can love him still, after everything? ]
Johnny -
[ she's preparing herself to say it. she is forcing herself to say it and really mean it, but they both know better. she doesn't look at him still, but that doesn't make her words any less honest - it just means it's hard. ] What I want is impossible. I can't trust you anymore. I may still love you, but it's not like it was before. It's tainted.
[ all of it. and more importantly: ] I need us both to let go. [ it's not about what she wants anymore. it's about what she knows is best. and that's not each other. ]
wow no you are the worst
the muscles-- the muscles in his arms and his whole body are as tense as can be, and he can't breathe. he can't fucking breathe at all.
jesus.
he is tense and trembling with it as he stares at her because he fucking knows she means the words, and if she means the words, then what the hell even fucking matters anymore? nothing.
nothing matters anymore.
nothing fucking matters.]
Then you won't see me again.
[it's said like a promise
like a goodbye.
everything shatters all at once and he feels everything and nothing and everything and everything and EVERYTHING
and he needs to turn back time and he needs her to be his and the only way he can think to do that-- his hands tremble as they reach for her, they become fists (there is a violence and a hunger and
no. no no no no.
no.),
and then he is gone.]
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