( rp ) look at this heart-shaped wreckage. what have we done?

[believable]

[ see elena.

see elena heading toward one of the bars on whichever deck you see fit.

see elena serving herself a drink because boys men suck and she has had it with this ship.



enjoy. ]

Comments

[believable]

[ the only thing that could possibly detract from the earnestness of his apology is the journal he places in front of her. elena's gaze lowers toward it in confusion, and immediately after there is recognition. she knows that handwriting like the back of her own. it's the handwriting that's become all too familiar to her. her eyes burn as she reads it, assaulted with conflicting emotions. at the base of it all, there's love swelling in her chest.

elena looks up at him with it all, perhaps making her expression unreadable.

she swallows thickly. she tugs in a breath. and she looks at him. ]

Why are you showing me this?

[badcentury]

[damon is not so grown that he is able to answer that question completely accurately. he once came to her in her room though she doesn't remember, and said, It's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you.

he has been plenty selfish when it comes to her (was selfish that night too, he sees that now) and terrible, beyond terrible again and again and over and over, and hurt her and lashed out and been unfair. he thought about those moments and actions more times than he can count over the decades in the ache of missing her. he thought about how even though he is in love with her, a part of him always would be, how she should be with someone else, someone better, someone who is not so wholly damaged that he can't hold anything in his hands without crushing it to bits. he is not the relationship type of guy whatever he may want.

damon knows deep down that it goes beyond deserving or not deserving. he knows that he cannot be in a relationship. even if feelings were shared, even if she chose him, he would destroy things. he is terrible, and he wants more than anything at the end of the day for her to be happy, for her to have the house with the white picket fence and the kids and the husband, all of the things that she has wanted and all of the things that she should get to have. the happiness that she should get to have. the things that he could never give not to her, not to anyone, and he knows that.

and he would be content to be her friend which is what they were and have been beyond any complicated feelings. he'd be content to be there (but he is not there in that world with her, not allowed that much of a luxury) and watch the world get it right one of these times. just one of these times, get it right.

get it right for her.]

I wanted to. [is the only answer that comes out of his mouth though as he takes another drink from the glass in his hand and finally looks at her. look at how human he can look for brief moments, how vulnerable, how human. he wanted to.

he wanted to give her something good for a change. and not so destructive.]

[believable]

[ oh, she's looking.

it's the most of damon she's gotten ever since they ended up on this ship, and even before that. it's been a year since she's seen him, and the last moment they ever shared following that was unpleasant - and even that seems like something of an understatement. she can't remember the last time she felt connected to damon, when before, she'd never had that problem. in fact, being connected to damon had always been the problem.

she looks down at the journal entry once more, even if she has stopped since reading it. her eyes burn too much for that, except maybe it gives her something else to do while she sorts through her feelings of which there are many.

this is elena gilbert we're talking about.

for however long they've been on this ship, she hasn't felt close to damon. he could be sitting right next to her and never could she have felt him further away. it's a feeling she had grown accustomed to with stefan, but never damon. it doesn't mean he's magically absolved of all the crap he put them through. it doesn't mean she doesn't get mad and call him on it; she always will.

but in this moment, she doesn't feel that distance. if anything, she is reminded of the damon who was her friend. (one of her best friends.) and she realizes just how much she has missed that person. her voice is thick when she finally speaks. ]

Thank you.

[badcentury]

[damon does not expect it to absolve him of all the things that he has done here. it's not why he shows it to her in the end, but he shows it to her because he has missed her too, because he wants to give her something good instead of constantly destroying everything around him, destroying things for her too.

he loves her so much, and he knows that doesn't ever stop him from being what he is, doing what he does when he is hurt or upset.

it's not much, and it isn't even something he did, but he is showing it to her. he can feel the shift between them and the difference so there is not the distance that has been there all along. he's missed elena (his very best friend) more than he can say, and he doesn't know how long he has on this kidnappy ship and certainly does not expect them to be able to stop the inevitable. he'll go back one day. he'll be dragged through that door back to that hell and he is so bitterly and intensely aware that he deserves it anyway, but it is not on her to figure out. it is not on her to stop.

his voice is soft when he speaks again over the rim of his glass.]

You're welcome.

[and that is a genuine, human sound too. she's always brought that out of him. decades later, it doesn't change. decades later, it doesn't. she's still his best friend beyond everything else.]