voyagers | [journal entry][open]

Entry tags:

[journal entry][open]

Speed Dating Event

So I am incredibly bored. [By bored, he means if he doesn't have something to occupy his mind at all times, he might actually lose his mind in things he doesn't want to and can't think about at all so bored. bored's an accurate enough sum up, right?] Clearly, the answer to this is to throw a little event for those who might want to participate. It is obviously not mandatory, and it will mostly be a party. I haven't thrown a party in a very long time, but I don't think I have lost the ability to do so. [or maybe this is a test of that, he doesn't really know.]

There will be delicious food made by yours truly! [hopefully still delicious, he hasn't made food for a lot of people in a very long time, but he returned to the kitchen before he disappeared, dragged through the door again]

There will be music, dancing, mingling, and talking!

And for those who'd like to, there will be speed dating. You sit at a table for five minutes, meet someone new, discuss things, get to know one another. Romance is not required. Make a friend, make a connection. Take the pressure off. Wear your fancy name tag with your preferences on it whether that's very specific preferences or none at all!

There will even be a table to share advice at whether it be romantic or otherwise if you want to give advice or if you need advice on wooing or what to use to get a particular stain out of your shirt or what have you. ;) It will be this weekend so if you're on the ship and want to stop by, feel free!

If you have any questions or any concerns, feel free to ask me them! I'm here all night while I plan out a menu. Also, I might make food while planning out a menu so there will be extra food in the main kitchen if anyone wants to eat anything.

[Locked Against his Older Brothers]

I know three very eligible bachelors, who just so happen to be my brothers. I absolutely want to sell up their qualities like nobody's business. They all have dark hair and are very tall. Many have considered them attractive. They were raised by a very wonderful woman who taught them proper manners and how to respect women.

There is one gentleman in his early thirties who is rough around the edges but a softy at heart. He enjoys a glass of whiskey, can curse like a sailor, but once you get past that rough exterior, you've got a person who is very protective and amazing in my opinion. Irish accent. His name is Adam.

There is another gentleman who is in his late twenties. He is very logical, smart, wise, and responsible while also being very caring. In fact, he practically helped our mother raise all of us growing up which means he had to put up with all of my shenanigans, which I have to tell you were pretty wild and occasionally dangerous. However, he always did so with utter patience. British accent. His name is Logan.

Finally, you have the gentleman and brother I am closest to. He is polite, charming, very easy to talk to and very caring and perceptive of and giving to those that he cares about. He is the most loyal person that I know, and he's also a lot of fun to be around. British accent. His name is Connor.

I highly recommend the three of them. ;) Individually naturally as they are not a package... deal.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Very smart of you. [look, it is a personality trait of his. charm. :')]

[locked]

You're absolutely right. Logan will definitely connect the dots. In other words, I am... very much in trouble. [thankfully he is very accustomed to being in trouble. he is kind of a troublemaker, and by kind of, we mean he really is.

no matter how old he may be and how much he has been through, the charm and troublemaking hasn't been ripped away completely.]

If I remember correctly, you don't mind trouble.

[ he is all about the mischief and the troublemaking. or rather, he was. elena is aware they've both been in places that would inevitably change them, even if she doesn't know what those changes are yet. but she can feel them. she does. ]

You remember very correctly, Ms. Elena.

[they change and they change again. they remake themselves. they move forward even when it's hard, even in the face of a lot of changes. he knows she has changed too.

he knows they both wish they could stay on this ship always with the same painful understanding that that isn't possible. but they've all found each other again on this ship when they never thought they'd see each other again, that means... something, right?]

How have you been?

[ it's not so much that elena wants to stay on this ship.

but she does want to find a way to control the door so that they can all have the choice. so that ethan can be with his brothers on the other side of that door. so that damon doesn't have to go back to that awful world and he and stefan don't have to lose each other all over again. so that she can bring bonnie and caroline with her, wherever she may end up.

they out of anyone really know what it means to remake themselves. they've had to time and again. ]

I've been okay. [ there's a tiny smile, not that he can see it. ] I'm out by the pool, if you care to join me.

[ethan doesn't know what he wants anymore. maybe that's part the trouble.

control the door, go somewhere else. isn't that just escaping a fate he was meant to have the moment he fell into that world? he doesn't really know anymore, and he doesn't try to think about it. before he left the last time, he tried to look into how to alter the door, how to control it.

now he just tries to hold on to whatever little time he has while he has it here, always wants more since every time he leaves its for months at a time, and the terribly true thing is he has all the time in the world, just not spent with people he loves.]

I always care to join you, Elena Gilbert. I'll be out in a moment.

[ elena would want him to hold on to what time he has here.

she would want him to spend as much time as he possibly can with his brothers, the way she would want damon to do so. she'll take care of everything else, in her mind. she has nothing to lose by trying, or if she does, it's a risk she's willing to take at this point. she still has plenty of nerve and even more drive to see this through to the finish line. she's just waiting on clark to give her the go-ahead.

when he comes out to the pool, he'll find elena sitting on the edge of it, her knees dangling in the water. next to her is a tiny dalmatian who looks intrigued by the prospect of all this water, sticking its paw into the pool experimentally. ]

Edited 2014-11-13 06:14 (UTC)

[elena, no. this is incorrect, because he wants to spend time with her too while he can. she's his best friend. she's family, and she always will be how ever long it has been, how ever much has happened.

he does not come out to the pool alone either. the first thing he tried to do when eh got back into a kitchen, to push himself through the anxiety of being in a kitchen again and wondering if he'd lost his touch was to make those infamous chocolate chip cookies. he wonders if logan has the recipe. he thinks their mother only gave it to him so he needs to pass that along while he can.

he's got some on a plate as well as glasses of milk as he watches her from a distance and smiles softly at the sight of the dalmation.]

...when did you get an absolutely adorable puppy? [it's asked as he sinks down to the edge of the pool beside her with a tiny smile.] Hi.

[ she will spend all the time with him, too!!!

she's just also. promised to figure things out. potentially lethal things. but look, it might fix the door! and then they can really spend all the time together if they all go through the door at the same time, deciding to end up at the same place. she doesn't see anything wrong with this plan, okay.

elena laughs as she looks up at him, while the puppy wags its tail effusively as it goes over to sniff elena's new companion. ] Not too long ago. You remember how once in Chicago all these teleporting kittens just appeared in the Kashtta one day? ... It was something like that. [ she didn't choose the dalmatian, ethan. the dalmatian chose her.

there's a small pause as she takes in those cookies, an ache immediately slamming her chest. she remembers when he first made her those cookies, and why. ] ...Are those what I think they are?

[elena, noooooo. no lethal things, please. ;o; fixing the door isn't worth the potential for lethal things, okay? it really is not.

he kneels down with a tiny smile as he looks over at her face, and then he nods, laughing too because he remembers.] Right, they were teleporting, immortal, and they were highly intelligent. They also had the tendency to choose their owners more than the other way around. ...what's the dalmatian's name? [this cutie with the spots and the paws and the tail wagging. once he's set the plate down, he reaches over to pet the puppy behind its ears, and he smiles at the sight of it before he looks up, meeting elena's gaze.

an ache slams through his chest, just at getting to see her again. every time he sees the people he loves now on the ship even if it's been just a day since he saw them last, there's that familiar ache, and he smiles at the question.] They absolutely are what you think they are. I thought, what better way to get back into cooking than how I started getting into cooking in the first place.

Plus, it sounded like you could use one. [he did not completely believe the, 'i've been okay'. granted, elena's version of 'i've been okay' is everyone else's version of a lot more terrible ways to feel.]

Let's just say all of those things followed us to the boat. [ because from what she has been able to discern, the puppies can teleport, they haven't aged a day since they've been here, and they seem to understand things much better than normal animals do, to the point you can actually hold a non verbal conversation with them. elena glances at the dalmatian fondly, placing a hand atop its head to give him some scritches before she answers. ]

His name's Buddy, and I think he likes you.

[ not that it surprises her. her smile widens as he meets her gaze, in spite of that achey little feeling in her chest. it's more than just the memory of his comforting her when she'd been so heartbroken, it's more than the fact he's told her he doesn't make it for anyone other than family. it's just getting to see him again. to be close to him like this. it's all of those things. ]

... I did? [ she won't be turning down a cookie a cookie either way, but. ]

[ethan looks at the puppy with a tiny, amused smirk as he pets the dog who does like him quite a bit, it's true. he reaches over for one of the cookies before he looks over the top of buddy's head and his smirk widens a bit in amusement at the thought. the puppy barks and stumbles over his own paws, and it is pretty much the most adorable thing ever.]

Hello, Buddy. I'm glad you like me as well because I am fairly certain I would be heartbroken if you didn't. You're too cute.

[ethan feels that achey little feeling in his chest for both good and sad things, for memories of the past as well as the truth of the present. he takes in a deep breath as he folds his legs, cross legged like in front of himself before he shakes his head with a tiny smile at the question.]

I thought so, but I could be wrong. [it's not like he has seen her in a really, really long time so maybe he isn't able to sense those things anymore. in general, he doesn't trust his instincts when it comes to social interactions in the same way that he used to simply because he goes long periods without interacting with anyone. he points a finger at her with a tiny smile that widens a bit further as he hands one of the cookies over to her. it's still warm, okay? can't resist it.] Either way, you get a cookie out of the deal. Very first batch too.

[ there's a moment where elena just studies fondly the sight before her. her smile tugs wider a fraction as the puppy stumbles over its own paws, before it inches closer to ethan. lifting itself on its hind legs, it sets two of his paws on ethan's lap, as though studying the cookies that he's placed off to the side. ]

I can't imagine anyone not liking you, Ethan. That goes for puppies, as well.

[ they have a lot of memories sitting in between them. nearly three year's worth of them. but there are also other memories, memories they've lived off on their own. they're different people to the ones that found themselves in chicago, and her chest aches a little at that thought, too.

she smiles fondly at him, touched by his concern. the softness quickly shifts to amusement as he points that finger at her. elena will take that cookie he hands over to her with eagerness. ] You won't hear me complaining. I've honestly never had cookies that were yummier. I feel honored to have the very first batch.

There are plenty of people who haven't liked me, Elena, but I appreciate that it's something you can't imagine. [ethan smirks sideways at her as he looks at her, taking in a deep breath, letting his feet rest in the pool, staring into the water for a long, long moment.

they have changed too. they are very, very different than the people they were in chicago. ethan doesn't remember what it is like to be that person that he used to be in chicago. it destroys him in some ways, and in others, it just is. he moves forward because what else is there? there's nothing else. he is grateful to get to see her again. he is grateful to get to see his brothers again

in a way he can't describe to any of them.

of course, he is concerned, elena. he cares about you. that doesn't ever change. he stares into the water after a moment before he smiles softly, achingly softly.] Always very good to know. I'm certain my mother would be grateful for that, and I'm glad you feel honored with it, Elena. [he takes in a breath that feels like a knife.] What happened here while I was... gone?

[ elena is looking at him as though saying pls. ]

Name five people. [ five people that haven't liked him, and maybe she will let this drop. even if he does wind up with enough names to disprove her theory, she has a hard time believing there are those that wouldn't be endeared by him eventually. ethan is impossible not to warm up to, so genuine in his charming nature that he is. the fact they have changed and grown from those people they once were, starting college with the future ahead of them. it feels like so long ago.

there's a small pause. she isn't sure how much she should tell ethan. (there is much he doesn't say anymore, and elena is inclined to follow in suit. ] What's the last thing you remember?

[ people come and go through that red door - elena included - that it can be hard to keep track. ]

[ethan smirks a very tiny bit at that look of hers.]

I could. I could name more than five people. Well, granted, I don't know all of their names. Trust, they don't like me very much. [yes, they have both changed and grown from those people that they were, and ethan doesn't know how to deal with his own changes. he desperately wants social interaction but stumbles over and panics over it. he latches on to even the slightest bit of affection from anyone like a man starved for it because he has been, and he's old and wiser too.

ethan wants her to tell him whatever she wants to or feels comfortable saying. there are no requirements, no expectations of anything at all. he knows he hasn't been around. he knows that when he is around, it's hard for him to be around. it's hard no matter what. his chest aches tightly with a lot of things that threaten to tear it up to pieces before he shakes his head a bit at the question, sliding his hand behind his neck.]

I don't... really know. It's been awhile. I know there was a ball that happened while I wasn't here. Someone mentioned it.

[ elena doesn't look convinced, but if ethan says it, then it must be true. or he must think it's true.

she's always been able to reach ethan, is the thing. she's always been able to look at him and tell what's wrong. it scares her that she doesn't this time, that if she reaches for him he might not reach back. it isn't going to stop her, but it makes her chest hurt whenever she thinks of how long he's been gone, and where he must've been to become the person that's sitting next to her right now. there are parts of him she still recognizes, however.

the parts of him that want to hold a speed-dating event. the parts of him that brought cookies for her like he did so long ago. the parts of him that look at her the way he is looking at her now. it has elena lifting her hand before she places it on top of his own, a small smile on her face. ] Yeah, there was.

[ she looks down for a moment, since she had been trying not to think about it, but it's one of the things she wants to update him on. ] Your brothers were there, though I'm not sure they had a choice in showing up. The boat just kind of ... pulled everyone in, sometimes picking out their clothes.

[ethan smirks lightly in clearly fond amusement when she doesn't look convinced. you're a good friend, elena gilbert.

he breathes in and then out deeply again, staring into the water before he looks over at her face slowly. his gaze only drifts down when she places her hand on top of his own, and he looks back up at her with a small smile that widens just a bit even if he doesn't bother hiding the ache from his chest in his gaze too.

he sees the way that she looks down like that, and he tilts his head curiously. because they've changed, but... he likes to think he still knows her well enough to sense that there is something there like she knows him well enough to sense things too.] What's wrong?

[it's asked softly and then he breathes in again with a tiny smile.] So in other words, it went to some rift-levels of wackiness with it. Can't say that I'm entirely surprised. I really hope it doesn't force people to my party but I suppose that's one of the worries about throwing a party in a ship like this one. Spontaneous kidnappings. The picking out clothes for people is a tiny bit creepy...

[he smirks a little wider. just a tiny bit.]

[ it's the ache that scares her.

it's not an unfamiliar feeling, worrying about ethan. it's what best friends do. whatever has changed and despite the roads they've had to travel on their own, that's the one thing that won't. he's still the person that made her smile and laugh when she thought she never would again. he's still the person that showed her she could have a family again after she had almost entirely lost her own. he opened the doors of his home and his heart to her without question, and she finds she is powerless to do anything but reciprocate in kind.

she shakes her head at his question, since it's not that anything is wrong and she doesn't want him to think it's seriously. her fingers curl around his, familiar and weighted, and give his a light squeeze. ] It's silly, and it's not ... [ it's not the main thing she wanted to talk to him about. she pulls in a soft breath, glancing down at the water herself before she thinks to speak again. ]

I'm not sure we're dealing with stuff like the rift. [ she tucks a strand of hair over her ear, looking over at him after a moment. ] I don't know if you've looked at journal entries lately, but ... there was a man, a while ago. Who claimed he could lead us to answers. [ she wants to protect ethan, wants to protect her family above all, but she knows he could easily stumble upon this information on his own - and she can't not tell him first. ]

[it is what best friends do.

ethan will always worry about her. they're all so far separated from each other, and it's-- he's so far separated from whoever he was, from everything that happened before. there's a lot of blood on his hands. there's a lot of destruction behind him (he's never been so tired in his life, all the time, bone deep), but he has missed her and his brothers and chicago and everything. he's missed making anyone happy. but she is still the person that helped him feel safe standing still, that made him less afraid of himself, that helped him be stronger, better, find his way. that helped him to have something real. she's the first and only best friend, outside of his brothers, that he has ever had.

he looks over at her when her fingers curl around his, and he lets out a low breath. ethan meets her gaze, and then shakes his head with a tiny but certain smile as he shakes his head.] It's not silly. [his voice is soft but insistent. whatever it is which she doesn't have to talk about with him, but it's not silly. anything that affects her, that bothers her at all, that she struggles with even something that isn't life threatening, it's important.

ethan tilts his head to the side as she explains, releasing a slow breath before he shakes his head.] No, I-- I didn't.. get much of a chance yet. Answers about the... ship. [it's half question because he can't quite process the possibilities there, and then he looks at her face, slowly, swallowing thickly. he trusts her which is why he asks...] Do you believe him?

[ it's not that elena doesn't want to tell him. she does, and it feels like it's been ages since they really and truly just talked with each other like they've always had an uncanny ability to do. when he says it's not silly, she believes that he means it, even if she does find it silly. but the question he asks is far more important than whatever might've been bothering her previously. she bites her lip as she considers the question.

it's hard to know if she can trust her answer, when she wants to believe in clark's promise so badly. she isn't unaware of the possibility it may be clouding her judgment, but she has to follow her own instincts. she has to go with her gut. neither has let her down recently. ...for the most part. ]

I do. [ she pulls in a breath, as though to steady herself. ] I think he's meant to take us somewhere, even if he doesn't understand why. Even if none of us do.

[ it just won't be easy. but then, nothing that ever matters so much ever really is. ]

[it does feel like ages since they really and truly just talked with each other. it feels like ages since he really just truly and really talked to anyone at all. it's not silly whatever it is she needs or wants to talk about, and he'll ask her again because it's important and he wants her to be able to talk about whatever she wants to talk about with him.

his chest aches tightly, slowly. ethan trusts her gut, her instincts, which is why he asked if-- it's why he asked. it gives him some hope to know she trusts in it, but he doesn't know what answers will lead to.

for all of them. no one does obviously but that doesn't mean it's not worth it.]

I want to go. [his voice is low but certain. wherever it leads to, whatever it means, he wants to go with. he can't die.

the danger to him is nonexistent, and he doesn't like the thought of her going there and his not being there at her side. that doesn't-- it doesn't feel right to him.] I want to go with you.

[because he knows she is going to go.]

[ elena doesn't know that she'll like the answers it leads them to, either.

but she knows it could mean that they can choose. where they go and if they stay. it means having more control over that red door, and all she can think about is damon and ethan, and the worlds they wouldn't be subjected to if they could just achieve this. all she can think about is jeremy and getting to him on the other side, being with him where she's meant to be.

she looks over at him, swallowing a little at his declaration. she knew, out of anyone, ethan would be the one to refuse to be anywhere but at her side. that's part of why she'd been worried about telling him. more than anything, it's why she knew she had to, regardless of how she worried for his safety and his well-being.

he has as much a right to this as any of them do.

swallowing, elena looks over to him, an intensity and gravity in her expression that's unmistakable. ]

It'll be dangerous, Ethan.

[ethan's jaw locks a bit as he feels her gaze on him, and he stares at his own two hands down in front of him. he swallows thickly, and he ducks his head further at what she says because that's the least of his concerns.

it's the least of what anyone should be concerned about what danger he might run into.

his hands slide over his face before he shakes his head a bit, and his eyes burn, and his shoulders tense, and he wants to say he's sorry for a hundred or so things but can't find the words for that either. he rests his hands on top of his knees as his chest burns, and he swallows thickly, looking over at her, meeting her gaze. his chest clenches up, admitting things isn't easy. it's never been so not easy to admit things, to admit how he feels or what he thinks or all of it.]

I'm not the slightest bit worried about that.

You're my best friend even after all this time and everything-- I've changed, and I know-- I know you have too, but-- [ethan still loves her. he still cares about her, and he wants to be there with her.] I know you're going to find answers. We all need answers for this place.

I'm going too. I don't care about how dangerous it is. It's not stopping you, is it? [and she can die.]

[ her eyes burn powerfully at his answer. she hates that they were separated at the end of the world. she hates that she doesn't know where he ended up, and all of the reasons why he's changed, but it means so much to her he's honest about it. it feels like she can reach him so as long as they're honest with each other. so as long as he stays here, despite how tense he looks. how pained and haunted. her heart aches in a way she can't put to words, and she blinks back those tears before they can form, focusing instead on what he says as opposed to how he looks. how he feels, sitting right next to her.

a mirthless smile curves on her lips. ]

No. No, it's not. [ nothing would stop her at this point. her hand reaches out to hold his own again. she studies their hands, their interlocked fingers, and how right that seems. for all of their changes, she's never doubted ethan loves and cares about her. she's never doubted he belongs where she is, never doubted it's where he wants to be. maybe she needs to trust that, too. ]

I'd want you there with me. You're still my best friend too, Ethan. After everything, however we change, that's - that's not something that will. I want you there with me.

[ she does. she doesn't want to do this alone. ]

I didn't think it would. [ethan swallows thickly but there is an intensely fond expression on his face, because he does-- he does still know her, parts of her, well enough to know. he hates all of these things too. he hates how long it has been. he hates all she has been through that he doesn't know about. he hates how much distance there has been between them even now that they are in the same place again, because of differences, because of his own changes.

he swallows as he feels her hand reach out to hold his again, feeling how their fingers interlock together. ethan tightens his hold on her hand as soon as their fingers lock together, and he breathes in sharp, looking over at her slowly, meeting her gaze as something aches through his chest tightly, painfully. it is impossible to describe how much those words mean to him to hear her say those words despite everything-- everything.

it is where he wants to be in whatever capacity he can. he's always been extroverted, but there are very few people in his life that he has been very, very close to like he has been with her. they're family. she is family, someone he loves that he was certain he'd lost forever but have been given back to him time and time again.]

I'm really glad I am, and I will be, Elena. I'll be there with you. [there's a pause before his hand unlatches from her own but it is only so he can wrap his arm around her back, pulling her in against him into a tight hug.] I'm sorry, Elena.

[for everything, for how everything turned out, for what the universes did to them, how it tore them apart and gave them no choices, for everything-- everything she may have been through over all this time

through all this destruction and the endless way the universes can be.]

[action]

resuming - 2014-11-23 02:24 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[journal entry][open]

no subject

locked until infinity and beyond!!!!!

jrkel;a /buzzlightyear!!!!!!

no subject

no subject

no subject

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]