[journal entry][open]

[eluding]

Speed Dating Event

So I am incredibly bored. [By bored, he means if he doesn't have something to occupy his mind at all times, he might actually lose his mind in things he doesn't want to and can't think about at all so bored. bored's an accurate enough sum up, right?] Clearly, the answer to this is to throw a little event for those who might want to participate. It is obviously not mandatory, and it will mostly be a party. I haven't thrown a party in a very long time, but I don't think I have lost the ability to do so. [or maybe this is a test of that, he doesn't really know.]

There will be delicious food made by yours truly! [hopefully still delicious, he hasn't made food for a lot of people in a very long time, but he returned to the kitchen before he disappeared, dragged through the door again]

There will be music, dancing, mingling, and talking!

And for those who'd like to, there will be speed dating. You sit at a table for five minutes, meet someone new, discuss things, get to know one another. Romance is not required. Make a friend, make a connection. Take the pressure off. Wear your fancy name tag with your preferences on it whether that's very specific preferences or none at all!

There will even be a table to share advice at whether it be romantic or otherwise if you want to give advice or if you need advice on wooing or what to use to get a particular stain out of your shirt or what have you. ;) It will be this weekend so if you're on the ship and want to stop by, feel free!

If you have any questions or any concerns, feel free to ask me them! I'm here all night while I plan out a menu. Also, I might make food while planning out a menu so there will be extra food in the main kitchen if anyone wants to eat anything.

[Locked Against his Older Brothers]

I know three very eligible bachelors, who just so happen to be my brothers. I absolutely want to sell up their qualities like nobody's business. They all have dark hair and are very tall. Many have considered them attractive. They were raised by a very wonderful woman who taught them proper manners and how to respect women.

There is one gentleman in his early thirties who is rough around the edges but a softy at heart. He enjoys a glass of whiskey, can curse like a sailor, but once you get past that rough exterior, you've got a person who is very protective and amazing in my opinion. Irish accent. His name is Adam.

There is another gentleman who is in his late twenties. He is very logical, smart, wise, and responsible while also being very caring. In fact, he practically helped our mother raise all of us growing up which means he had to put up with all of my shenanigans, which I have to tell you were pretty wild and occasionally dangerous. However, he always did so with utter patience. British accent. His name is Logan.

Finally, you have the gentleman and brother I am closest to. He is polite, charming, very easy to talk to and very caring and perceptive of and giving to those that he cares about. He is the most loyal person that I know, and he's also a lot of fun to be around. British accent. His name is Connor.

I highly recommend the three of them. ;) Individually naturally as they are not a package... deal.

Comments

[action]

[eluding]

[it is what best friends do.

ethan will always worry about her. they're all so far separated from each other, and it's-- he's so far separated from whoever he was, from everything that happened before. there's a lot of blood on his hands. there's a lot of destruction behind him (he's never been so tired in his life, all the time, bone deep), but he has missed her and his brothers and chicago and everything. he's missed making anyone happy. but she is still the person that helped him feel safe standing still, that made him less afraid of himself, that helped him be stronger, better, find his way. that helped him to have something real. she's the first and only best friend, outside of his brothers, that he has ever had.

he looks over at her when her fingers curl around his, and he lets out a low breath. ethan meets her gaze, and then shakes his head with a tiny but certain smile as he shakes his head.] It's not silly. [his voice is soft but insistent. whatever it is which she doesn't have to talk about with him, but it's not silly. anything that affects her, that bothers her at all, that she struggles with even something that isn't life threatening, it's important.

ethan tilts his head to the side as she explains, releasing a slow breath before he shakes his head.] No, I-- I didn't.. get much of a chance yet. Answers about the... ship. [it's half question because he can't quite process the possibilities there, and then he looks at her face, slowly, swallowing thickly. he trusts her which is why he asks...] Do you believe him?

[action]

[resuming]

[ it's not that elena doesn't want to tell him. she does, and it feels like it's been ages since they really and truly just talked with each other like they've always had an uncanny ability to do. when he says it's not silly, she believes that he means it, even if she does find it silly. but the question he asks is far more important than whatever might've been bothering her previously. she bites her lip as she considers the question.

it's hard to know if she can trust her answer, when she wants to believe in clark's promise so badly. she isn't unaware of the possibility it may be clouding her judgment, but she has to follow her own instincts. she has to go with her gut. neither has let her down recently. ...for the most part. ]

I do. [ she pulls in a breath, as though to steady herself. ] I think he's meant to take us somewhere, even if he doesn't understand why. Even if none of us do.

[ it just won't be easy. but then, nothing that ever matters so much ever really is. ]

[action]

[eluding]

[it does feel like ages since they really and truly just talked with each other. it feels like ages since he really just truly and really talked to anyone at all. it's not silly whatever it is she needs or wants to talk about, and he'll ask her again because it's important and he wants her to be able to talk about whatever she wants to talk about with him.

his chest aches tightly, slowly. ethan trusts her gut, her instincts, which is why he asked if-- it's why he asked. it gives him some hope to know she trusts in it, but he doesn't know what answers will lead to.

for all of them. no one does obviously but that doesn't mean it's not worth it.]

I want to go. [his voice is low but certain. wherever it leads to, whatever it means, he wants to go with. he can't die.

the danger to him is nonexistent, and he doesn't like the thought of her going there and his not being there at her side. that doesn't-- it doesn't feel right to him.] I want to go with you.

[because he knows she is going to go.]

[action]

[resuming]

[ elena doesn't know that she'll like the answers it leads them to, either.

but she knows it could mean that they can choose. where they go and if they stay. it means having more control over that red door, and all she can think about is damon and ethan, and the worlds they wouldn't be subjected to if they could just achieve this. all she can think about is jeremy and getting to him on the other side, being with him where she's meant to be.

she looks over at him, swallowing a little at his declaration. she knew, out of anyone, ethan would be the one to refuse to be anywhere but at her side. that's part of why she'd been worried about telling him. more than anything, it's why she knew she had to, regardless of how she worried for his safety and his well-being.

he has as much a right to this as any of them do.

swallowing, elena looks over to him, an intensity and gravity in her expression that's unmistakable. ]

It'll be dangerous, Ethan.

[action]

[eluding]

[ethan's jaw locks a bit as he feels her gaze on him, and he stares at his own two hands down in front of him. he swallows thickly, and he ducks his head further at what she says because that's the least of his concerns.

it's the least of what anyone should be concerned about what danger he might run into.

his hands slide over his face before he shakes his head a bit, and his eyes burn, and his shoulders tense, and he wants to say he's sorry for a hundred or so things but can't find the words for that either. he rests his hands on top of his knees as his chest burns, and he swallows thickly, looking over at her, meeting her gaze. his chest clenches up, admitting things isn't easy. it's never been so not easy to admit things, to admit how he feels or what he thinks or all of it.]

I'm not the slightest bit worried about that.

You're my best friend even after all this time and everything-- I've changed, and I know-- I know you have too, but-- [ethan still loves her. he still cares about her, and he wants to be there with her.] I know you're going to find answers. We all need answers for this place.

I'm going too. I don't care about how dangerous it is. It's not stopping you, is it? [and she can die.]

[action]

[resuming]

[ her eyes burn powerfully at his answer. she hates that they were separated at the end of the world. she hates that she doesn't know where he ended up, and all of the reasons why he's changed, but it means so much to her he's honest about it. it feels like she can reach him so as long as they're honest with each other. so as long as he stays here, despite how tense he looks. how pained and haunted. her heart aches in a way she can't put to words, and she blinks back those tears before they can form, focusing instead on what he says as opposed to how he looks. how he feels, sitting right next to her.

a mirthless smile curves on her lips. ]

No. No, it's not. [ nothing would stop her at this point. her hand reaches out to hold his own again. she studies their hands, their interlocked fingers, and how right that seems. for all of their changes, she's never doubted ethan loves and cares about her. she's never doubted he belongs where she is, never doubted it's where he wants to be. maybe she needs to trust that, too. ]

I'd want you there with me. You're still my best friend too, Ethan. After everything, however we change, that's - that's not something that will. I want you there with me.

[ she does. she doesn't want to do this alone. ]

[action]

[eluding]

I didn't think it would. [ethan swallows thickly but there is an intensely fond expression on his face, because he does-- he does still know her, parts of her, well enough to know. he hates all of these things too. he hates how long it has been. he hates all she has been through that he doesn't know about. he hates how much distance there has been between them even now that they are in the same place again, because of differences, because of his own changes.

he swallows as he feels her hand reach out to hold his again, feeling how their fingers interlock together. ethan tightens his hold on her hand as soon as their fingers lock together, and he breathes in sharp, looking over at her slowly, meeting her gaze as something aches through his chest tightly, painfully. it is impossible to describe how much those words mean to him to hear her say those words despite everything-- everything.

it is where he wants to be in whatever capacity he can. he's always been extroverted, but there are very few people in his life that he has been very, very close to like he has been with her. they're family. she is family, someone he loves that he was certain he'd lost forever but have been given back to him time and time again.]

I'm really glad I am, and I will be, Elena. I'll be there with you. [there's a pause before his hand unlatches from her own but it is only so he can wrap his arm around her back, pulling her in against him into a tight hug.] I'm sorry, Elena.

[for everything, for how everything turned out, for what the universes did to them, how it tore them apart and gave them no choices, for everything-- everything she may have been through over all this time

through all this destruction and the endless way the universes can be.]

[action]

[resuming]

[ elena doesn't feel any distance, necessarily, outside of the chasm that's been literally placed between them, but she would be sad to know he feels so cut off, both from her and the rest. she would feel sorrow and pain, knowing how much he has endured, and he has had to endure on his own. people change, and they know that better than anyone. they changed in chicago, and they've changed all over again, but she's trying to let herself allow that instead of holding on.

she's more successful on some days than she is in others. ]

I know you will be. [ she doesn't doubt that. she trusts in it, and when he pulls her into a tight hug, she is surprised at first, but elena doesn't hesitate in locking her arms around his neck, even as that pang strikes right through her chest. ]

Hey. [ she swallows thickly past it. ] You don't have anything to be sorry for. It's okay. [ he's here now, and he'll be here again, and they are going to figure this out. ]